Welcome to my face

So a couple weekends ago (seems like forever ago) I went to Catalina Island for what we call Fall Con. The topic was "I believe in Jesus as my Lord & Savior" and what that really means. Not the shallow meaning that most people would assume. We talked about how faith/belief requires compassion. We talked about how Lord gives authority, how it denotes who is in charge of your life. We talked about how Savior shows power and how Jesus has the power to make changes now. Well, what I need Jesus to change in my life is how I view myself. My practical step? Not wear make-up this week. And let me tell you, this is a difficult task. Now, I don't usually wear a copious amount of make-up, but I at least wear some. You know, my essential foundation and mascara. Also as part of this, I'm not straightening my hair, and attempting to wear it down (because I don't like my hair how it is). I'm not sure what I'm going to get out of this, but I'm hoping something. I hope that Jesus reveals something to me through this experience. And, as I will most likely go back to wearing my usual make-up, I hope that this wasn't a lost cause. But, hey, here's what I look like. Here's my face, I'm not hiding anything.

Book List

The books I'm trying to read before school starts (I have another month):

How to Stay Christian in College - J. Budziszewski
I Once Was Lost - Don Everts & Doug Schaupp (Required)
Who You Are When No One is Looking - Bill Hybels (Required)
Blue Like Jazz - Donald Miller
SexGod - Rob Bell
The Transitive Vampire - Karen Elizabeth Gordon
Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis
The Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
The Ragamuffin Gospel - Brennan Manning
Woe is I - Patricia T. O'Conner


I'm sure there are more. One down, and I've read portions of a couple of them.

My Jesus

This song by Todd Agnew really hits the spot. If you haven't heard it, listen to it here (you don't really need to watch the video, but listen).

And here are the lyrics:

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like my Jesus

So why am I posting this? I just find it very convicting. A few things I want to say about it...

It shows possession of Jesus. He is mine. He is yours. He is MY savior.
If I am trying to be like Jesus, why am I not spending my time with the least of these? I think it is a hard thing in our society (I'm not saying that it wasn't back then...). I'm hoping that this year as I'm in a leadership position with InterVarsity that I can make an impact and show people this side of Jesus.
There is so much truth in the line about Jesus' appearance and how we view Him. I know that as a kid I always pictured Him looking like me, and perfect nonetheless. But, yes, He bled. He was beaten. He did not look picture-perfect in those last moments.
The verse that hits the spot most of the time is "My Jesus would never be accepted at my church." We preach about what He did for each and every one of us. If we were really aspiring to be like Him, then our church would be filled with people like Jesus, people with blood and dirt of their feet.

Well, I hope this has made you think... The song inspires me and convicts me. I want to be like My Jesus.

Beauty in the Wilderness

Grey's Mt.






Calvin Crest Lake




Fresno Dome




Iron Lakes

A Long Weekend

So I just finished up a very long weekend of intense manuscript study in Mark. As our group usually consists of about 40 people, this group of 20 was much more intimate and I feel as if I got so much more out of it. Maybe it's the fact that we spent 4+ hours on each passage?

Some things I learned:

• I need to be vulnerable with other people and be willing to share my story (This came from the story of the Bleeding Woman)
• I need to acknowledge that Jesus' power is not limited to my understanding (When Jesus walked on water)
• I need to believe that Jesus will provide (When Jesus fed the 5000)
• I cannot blame sin on other people or my interactions with those people, because it comes from my heart (From the story about defilement)
• I need transformation that only God can perform (From both the Bleeding Woman and the Defilement)

It's amazing how much you can just skip over when normally reading these passages. There is so much more to each of these stories than I thought before. So, spend a little more time, read a little deeper into the text and see what God is trying to tell you.

The Soil

The past two weeks in Mark Study we've studied the passage where Jesus tells the parable of the soils and then goes on to explain them. This week we split into 4 groups and examined the soils, what each one really meant. And at the end we were challenged to think about the time that we've been in Mark Study since the middle of January and decide which soil we have been with the "seeds" ("word") that we have been given.

I shut my eyes and began to think about it. [As someone who has grown up in the church, I have all these pretenses going into Mark Study. False? I don't know. But it sure makes you think.] I guess I always assumed that I was the fourth soil. The good soil. I take the word and accept it. But that's not all it says. It says that you must bear fruit, to spread that word. What have I done about this? Nothing.

In the beginning of Mark Study, at a conference we call January Jumpstart, I was excited about Mark Study. I didn't always enjoy it, because it's quite frustrating at times. I felt like I was taking our definiton of faith (persistent action involving risk based on the belief in the power of Jesus) and putting it into action. I wanted to take risks, because I've always been so comfortable in my own little bubble. I mean, why did God send me to UCLA when it wasn't even one of my choices? Was that a risk? I don't know. I accepted that definition and believe it. Since that day, this is how I think about the word faith. I applied for leadership because it was a risk. I led Bible Study because it was a risk.

But lately, the last month or so, I have dreaded Mark Study. I just see it as a place where people are so closed-minded and don't even consider other people's views. Where I just get so frustrated because the answer is never completely clear. But it sure does make you think. I have taken the "seed" and accepted it. But did I bear fruit? Not that I can see. I have been a combination of the rocky soil and the soil with the thorns. Sometimes I take the seeds with joy, but if there is tribulation, it falls away. Sometimes I hear the word and other things, things of this world choke the words. Yes, I am not the fourth soil, I am one of the lesser. One of the ones that Jesus does not want us to be.

But I want to be the good soil. I want to bear fruit. I want the seeds to take roots in me. I will strive to be the good soil. And I know that I can only do it with the power of Jesus.

Listening to God...

So, since the end of last summer at camp, whenever someone asked if I would be back, I always said I wasn't sure. That I wasn't sure what God had for me this summer. I have options... but I guess deep down I always just assumed that I would end up at camp. But, I won't. And I'll be okay. It's a place that holds a very special place in my heart (due to history and experiences) and another time, I'd like to think that I'll end up there. But, for now, my prayers are for more guidance and that I will be able to trust that God will show me what he has planned.

Only Jesus can heal this nation.

"At the foot of the cross there is healing for this nation
There is rest for those who wait
And the love that we find is the hope of all creation
We are stunned by what You gave"

I've been thinking about this lately. My prayer is continually, "Jesus, heal this campus. Heal this nation." I was listening to my ipod this evening, listening to OneHundredHours, and I heard this song. It gave me the chills. I don't really know why, but it did. His Love is the Hope. How often do you think about that?